Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Slips and struggles

The inner monster is trying its hardest to get you where it wants. It is seducing you with a voice full of pleasing promise, caressing you with words of how sweet and comforting it would be if you only had a small piece of chocolate. It doesn't have to be a whole bar, just a piece. Maybe melt it and dip fruit in it. Maybe you can break it into smaller pieces and sprinkle it over some wonderfully creamy ice cream. Maybe you can buy bananas for extra luxury. And how great wouldn't it be with a topping of fluffy whipped cream mixed with vanilla powder... Oreo's would give it a pleasing crunch as well. Your friends can have ice cream and they look great and are healthier than ever, so why shouldn't you be able to have it to?

...and the binge is on...

At the taco night yesterday, my friend had prepared the meal for me before I arrived. Put everything together, folded the tortilla bread with all content in it and poured up a glass of orange juice. So yes, I ate it. And drank the juice. Although - I managed to decline the cupcakes, doughnuts and chocolates that she also had. I choose to see that as success.

Today another friend invited me for dinner. A great, healthy meal that I can't say anything negative about. She and her boyfriend had couscous with it. She asked me if I wanted some and... I heard myself answer "you two can have as much as you want and if there's anything left then I can have a bit of that." Why, Sofia - why??? Second day in a row. I guess it doesn't seem like a big slip for most people, but it does have a big effect on me. And I never learn.

After dinner I was completely stuffed, you know - the way you only get after eating carbs. I felt like rolling walking home which turned out to take 1 h, and here's when the effect from cheating on diet two days in a row became apparent. Even though I was way oversatisfied from dinner, my monster still wouldn't shut up even for a minute on the way home. She kept on trying to make me enter every single café, every single milk bar, every single kiosk... this time, I managed to actually identify the monster though. I managed to see that it was not my own words or my own will, but the seducing sugar monster trying to get fed with addictive substances that I myself know are terrible for me.

Once again - I will forgive myself for my slips, but with a condition - remember that even the simple carbs will wake the inner monster. That is how I work. Unfortunately.

Pat on the shoulder of the day: for resisting the sugar monster and walking home instead of taking the tram.

Mmhm, sugar monster knows seduction

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