Gym - my rock

My gym - my love - my comfort - my well being - my supporting rock. 

Felt absolutely terrible today. We all have those days when it feels like everything is shit. We feel sorry for ourselves. We feel like nothing we do is enough. We feel like we are not enough. Today was a day like that. 

I brought my gym gear to uni just to be sure that I'd go there immediately when I was done at uni... But after a shit day I would rather go home, shut the door to my room and feel sorry for myself. Instead of doing that I sat down at a bakery, had a cappuccino and complained to my journal (who always listens and cares and sometimes even give helpful advice). Went to coles and bought some macadamia nuts. And forced my butt to the gym. 

And seriously - it's crazy how that place affects the mood!!! I was about to start crying at the bakery, but after just a couple of sets I started to notice how great my ass is and forgot all about the other issues. The gym brings confidence, strength (physical and mental) and happiness. It makes me feel like I belong. 

Normally I would buy shitloads of poisonous comfort food on a day like this. That would not have solved any problems at all. It would make me physically sick with a racing pulse and nausea, plus mentally worse than before.

No, sugar is not comfort. It's a false fucking bitch who tricks you into its embrace just to stab you in the back a minute later. The gym though - that's love and pure happiness. That's true comfort that pours a stream of feelgood hormones into the bloodstream and makes you feel awesome.

Now - remember that next time you want to dismiss the gym. The gym deserves more appreciation than that!!

Shoulder pat of the day: to my housemate who put a nicotine patch on her arm today and made chia pudding instead of comforting herself (and her abstinence) with ice cream!

Weekend summary

Oh, what a perfect weekend it was. Not food wise, but in everything else. And that's why I won't give these weekend adventures up just to be able to stay on track. Sure, I don't know how to stay healthy while I'm away with friends who don't care the least about what they eat, but my time away with them are the greatest treatments for mental stress and anxiety that I know and it is also about fulfilling my dreams.

So the traps I fell into this weekend: fish & chips for dinner. No good alternatives to choose from. Panini for lunch. No alternatives there either and skipping the bread would've made the meal too small for a day filled with physical activities. Toast with a homemade avocado mix that my friend prepared for me. Couldn't say no when she had made an effort like that.

Despite these slips there are also some successes that I will give myself a shoulder pat for! I did my best to stay somewhat healthy considering the circumstances. That meant: I had raw nuts and water with me everywhere so there was no problem at all skipping sweets and soft drinks when everyone else were having that. I bought my own breakfast and made banana pancakes from ripe bananas, eggs and cinnamon for my friend and myself instead of having bread or cereals. I also managed to eat average portions of all meals which is a huge success for anyone who doesn't know when enough is enough! And best of all - this weekend did not trigger any binges or cravings like pretty much all other weekend adventures have done. Maybe because I managed to stay away from sweets. Today has been great with normal, or a slightly smaller food intake. Good primal food!

I believe a great tool to not respond to unhealthy cravings is to recognize that inner seductive voice. To personalize that voice, as I've done by naming it miss Seductive Sugarmonster, makes it easier to see it from an outside perspective and actually argue with it. You kind of hear how riddiculous it sounds in a different way and it's easier to decide to not fall for those stupid ideas that the voice suggest. If there is someone else inside you who says "you've ruined this day by having a biscuit already so you can just go on and have the whole package now" then it's easier to reply with "screw you, one biscuit is more than enough for me and I don't need more" than if you think it was your own conscious thought suggesting it. 

Now let's see if we can get up at 5 tomorrow for an early and well deserved morning workout at the gym before uni :)

Living life to the fullest = traps everywhere!

So I recently moved all across the world. New experiences and lots of opportunities of exploration and adventure. I love these adventures but they are dangerous when it comes to healthy eating. Right now I'm sitting in a car, 6:30 am on a Saturday, on my way to a weekend adventure. These adventure are probably my main traps. My diet may work perfectly during the week but when I go away, someone might be making pancakes for everyone, another one bought timtams and we'll probably stop for a snack on the way and trust me - it will not be a salad bar!

I feel like there are no healthy options for me when I go on these adventures. I always tell myself that "it's just one weekend, I'll go back to my healthy lifestyle on Monday". And I do. But it's not really sustainable if this happens every or every second weekend. And miss Monster is always extra seductive for at least three days afterwards. 

This weekend I'll try to have a strategy beforehand. I got a boiled egg and a bunch of raw nuts in the backpack. That will save me when my friends want to go for a snack on the road. We'll buy groceries for dinner and breakfast together later which is a possibility for me to buy something for myself. I don't have to eat the pancakes - I'll just make an omelet for myself. 

I've also prepared my body this time by not eating as much fat as I usually do, since I might not be very strict low carb this weekend. Otherwise it might turn out to be high carb high fat which is never good. 

Last thing - if I don't manage to stick to the diet 100%. If something poisonous slips down - then I won't beat myself up for it! I'll do the best I can and that means that I'll be healthier than if I'd just give everything up anyway. If I eat something bad, then so be it. Get over it and get right back on track afterwords!

Treat - no binge

Today I bought chocolate. 90% cocoa. I took two squares and now its lying here beside the computer and has been there for maybe an hour and I don't actually feel any need of having another piece. Wow. What just happened? Miss Seductive S. Monster - I was expecting you and you're not here. Fuck yeah :)

Screw you miss Seductive Monster, I'm going sprinting!

Mental tools in all their glory, plus the rediscovered treasure in low carb diets... But the best way to truly knock miss Seductive Sugarmonster out (and I know you don't want to hear this, but it's true) is exercise. Sweaty, tough, wonderful exercise. And I will not say that I'm an expert - but I would say that I'm at least pretty decent when it comes to heavy resistance training with free weights. And that kind of workout - boy does it release the beloved endorphins that kick miss S. Monster right out of the brain! Especially if it's combined with some high intensy intervals on the treadmill.

If Sugarmonster turns out to be extra fierce and irresistible - just decide to do a heavy workout first, then you can go past the store on your way home. I never feel like eating anything after a workout (but of course I'll give my physical armor a well deserved treat to repair the muscle fibers) so if I say this to myself, then I'll most likely just walk past the store and go home without the poisonous sugar. If I would fail and buy something - then at least I'd probably not get a binge anyway and also - it wouldn't do as much damage if it's after a workout when the metabolism is doing its best to use all energy for repairing the muscles rather than storing fat. 

Things that I'm thankful for today: a compliment for my beautiful smile. It reminded me that weight isn't everything. And also the guys who serenaded me on the tram back home. Made my day! And oh - I'm so thankful for my 24/7 gym that allowed me to go there at 10:30 pm today :)

Great post-workout treat for the armour:

Slips and struggles

The inner monster is trying its hardest to get you where it wants. It is seducing you with a voice full of pleasing promise, caressing you with words of how sweet and comforting it would be if you only had a small piece of chocolate. It doesn't have to be a whole bar, just a piece. Maybe melt it and dip fruit in it. Maybe you can break it into smaller pieces and sprinkle it over some wonderfully creamy ice cream. Maybe you can buy bananas for extra luxury. And how great wouldn't it be with a topping of fluffy whipped cream mixed with vanilla powder... Oreo's would give it a pleasing crunch as well. Your friends can have ice cream and they look great and are healthier than ever, so why shouldn't you be able to have it to?

...and the binge is on...

At the taco night yesterday, my friend had prepared the meal for me before I arrived. Put everything together, folded the tortilla bread with all content in it and poured up a glass of orange juice. So yes, I ate it. And drank the juice. Although - I managed to decline the cupcakes, doughnuts and chocolates that she also had. I choose to see that as success.

Today another friend invited me for dinner. A great, healthy meal that I can't say anything negative about. She and her boyfriend had couscous with it. She asked me if I wanted some and... I heard myself answer "you two can have as much as you want and if there's anything left then I can have a bit of that." Why, Sofia - why??? Second day in a row. I guess it doesn't seem like a big slip for most people, but it does have a big effect on me. And I never learn.

After dinner I was completely stuffed, you know - the way you only get after eating carbs. I felt like rolling walking home which turned out to take 1 h, and here's when the effect from cheating on diet two days in a row became apparent. Even though I was way oversatisfied from dinner, my monster still wouldn't shut up even for a minute on the way home. She kept on trying to make me enter every single café, every single milk bar, every single kiosk... this time, I managed to actually identify the monster though. I managed to see that it was not my own words or my own will, but the seducing sugar monster trying to get fed with addictive substances that I myself know are terrible for me.

Once again - I will forgive myself for my slips, but with a condition - remember that even the simple carbs will wake the inner monster. That is how I work. Unfortunately.

Pat on the shoulder of the day: for resisting the sugar monster and walking home instead of taking the tram.

Mmhm, sugar monster knows seduction

Medicare waiting room

Uni is finally open today! Backpack is stuffed with notebooks, iPad and a lunch box, all prepared for an afternoon in the library catching up on cell metabolism. 

First I just have to sit here and wait for my turn at the Medicare counter so I can get my card. It's time to see a GP tomorrow to get my thyroid hormone production measured. If it turned out that the values are too low then my weight gain, tiredness, coldness, focusing issues, weakness at the gym and lots of other thigs would suddenly make sense. If they turn out to be normal, well... Then I guess that it's actually just me exaggerating and being unable to handle life or something. 

The status for today otherwise: my chest and biceps are wonderfully sore from the perfect gym session yesterday! My inner monster can't stop thinking about sugar (chocolate) for some reason, but I refuse to succumb to it! Challenge of the day: taco night with friends and resisting the bread/nachos or whatever there is to resist plus eventual alcohol. Pat on the shoulder to myself if I succeed (which I will!!!).

Day 3...

...Since the last carb overload. And it feels great! I am so proud of myself - after dinner yesterday I didn't actually feel like having anything more to eat. To buy strawberries and be able to leave them in the fridge for later - that's a real achievement for someone like me!

Just fried 1,5 kg of chicken. Food for a week! :)
Chicken, bacon and shredded coconut spiced with ginger - Remember that combo!

And thank you Sofia, for leaving the strawberries for post-workout snack today. Much appreciated!

Pat on the shoulder for: feeling awesome, invincible, confident and being stronger than usual at the gym! Chest day <3

Success!

Guess what?! I made it from the store with potato starch to feed my gut bacteria, broccoli and chicken for lunch boxes, cheese for snack during the week and for tonight: fresh strawberries and ingredients for keto balls! Which I will have after a real meal! So I actually managed to put the strawberries in the refrigerator and heat my last chicken burgers (no bread of course) for dinner instead. Go Sofia!!

Great food (better than it looks):

Yes - healthy food contains LOADS of fat according to me. Yey primal! :)

Pause

Here I am, lying on my stomach in a park, listening to fantastic Swedish music in the earbuds and just taking a pause from life. It's Easter, which means that the library is closed today and I have to stay home with my studies. For the third day in a row! And I am going nuts!!! Especially since I'm still not really used to flatsharing and having people around all the time. Sometimes you just need a timeout, a minute for yourself. Even better if you can combine it with some fresh air. 

I know I'll still be restless when I get back home. And what do I do when I am restless? I eat! And this park is very close to my standard grocery store. And I want to go and buy potato starch to try the big hype about resistant starch which means... It will be hard to not buy shitloads of carbs! I have a 3 day-rule when I've eated carbs. That's how long it takes to get rid of the cravings. Today is day no 2. I should probably avoid the store all together. But another rule is to allow myself to eat as much as I want of healthy food during these days to compensate the cravings. I can start thinking about amounts once these days are over. So how do we solve this?

I actually already know that I will go to the store. I recognize these feelings too well by now but I can choose to buy better alternatives than chocolate, ice cream and lollies. I can choose chease, veggies and dip, sausage and/or nuts instead. Probably "and" rather than "or". I'm a binge eater. Let's see how it goes. Report later!

SCORE!

Oh yes, she did it!! Was it good? Oh yeah. Did it give me new energy? Oh yeah. Am I more optimistic now than before? Hell yeah! Did it make my headache go away? Unfortunately not, which obviously affected the training, but hey - I did it! :D

And the after-pic:

Now Sofia - how about remembering this next time you feel like spending time with your laptop instead of the gym?!

To force motivation

I have tried to lose my extra kilos that I've gained a number of times now, but I am still going to see this as a start. The last week have been absolutely horrendous in the healthy perspective with shitloads of crappy food and hardly no exercise. This means that I have to really force myself to the gym now. That's how it always is when you start. But force yourself for a couple of times and then it will be a routine and no probs at all.

It is really hard to leave the computer at the moment and get my ass to the gym so here's my strategy:

1. I put on my gym gear first thing in the morning before even having my coffee.
2. Deciding when to go - after breakfast and one episode of Big Bang Theory!
3. Write about it here with a picture of how I feel about it (so I can make another update when I come back with a new picture of how awesome I will feel then! Great for future motivation!!!)
4. Repeat all the reasons for going there as a mantra: "Sofia - you do love lifting weights, you do want to raise the weights to feel less embarrassed at the gym, you do want to look fit again, you will get rid of your headache if you go out for fresh air, you will feel awesome afterwards, it will be easier to focus on your studies when you get back etc etc..."
5. FUCKING JUST DO IT WILL'YA?!?!?!?!

Pat on the shoulder for: Pretty good breakfast with hardly any carbs. Good on ya! :)

Weight lifting - YEY!!!! :D

Mission started!

So the idea is to use this as an inspirational platform for myself to keep on going in my health mission. I have done it before and I KNOW that I can do it again!!

I managed to get into the best shape I've ever been in by losing 20 kg over... two years or so. Then the tough shit began (life happened y'know) and I gained more than 10 of them again. Now I've tried and tried to drop them again and nothing happens. So here I am exposing myself to the world to see if that helps. And I have done it before so if I manage again - then maybe I'll even be able to give some helpful advice to someone else :)

Here's the deal - these pants will fit again! Like a glove!!!